Hospital Drugs are For Real

So eventually I wake up. Tired, confused and hurting.

Most of this part is what I've been told and what I can recall from the haze I was in constantly from the brain surgeries.

I did not like this mouth tube in my mouth. Allegedly (cause I don't recall), I tried to take it out a few times and my mother had to tell me, it would hurt and possibly kill me if I took it out and eventually that sunk in and I stopped screwing with it.

So my folks came to visit and the doctors told them what happened: I had a stroke and they called in an expert from nearby to come clear and repair the veins in my head. Apparently, I was possibly not going to recall things up to and including who my family was, who I was and all kinds of things.

But not so much for me. After being kept unconscious to not deal with the pain, eventually I came out of the woods and remembered mostly everything.

According to Tammy, who has experience with this type of thing as a nurse, the nurses were giving me Propofol or some such thing because sick people such as myself in this type of situation tended to become bitter with their care givers after awhile and that drug helped me not remember things.

Well played, nurses.

During this time, I was told I was hallucinating regularly seeing people who were not there and having nonsensical conversations with my nurses.

I do recall, trying to explain the sad tale of Craig Mack to a few of my nurses. Craig Mack is a rapper who had a pretty decent rap album in the early 90s. He even had a massive hit with "Flava' in Ya Ear." Unfortunately for him, his success was right before the Notorious B.I.G. came on the scene and flew past him. Puff Daddy (the CEO of Bad Boy Records) latched onto Biggie and pushed Mack to the side. While Mack did eventually get his second album. it was not particularly good and many would say it was because Combs wasn't paying attention.

Sidenote: The name Biggie Smalls, originated as a role played by Calvin Lockhart from the film "Let's Do it Again" which was the sequel to "Uptown Saturday Night." He also had a stroke and died in the Bahamas in 2007.

Small World.

Obviously, my explanation did not come out that rationally.

I also recall being convinced there were a series of murders being committed and I felt terrible (there was not--I was on medication people) about the whole situation. My ranting got so bad I do recall being taken for a brain scan one night.

Good Times.

As they brought me off the medications, the delusions subsided and eventually I was transferred from Fairfax Hospital to Mount Vernon Hospital to recover.

But, something happened and I was sent back to Fairfax Hospital for awhile.

While I was bedridden for a bit, I was tube free and started healing up. Eventually, I was gotten up to go for walks and to begin working on my balance and motor skills again.

The exercising was funny. I was in bad shape and couldn't walk straight or for very long.

I remember being impressed at how clean the hospital was. During the days, between meals I would see the cleaning staff come and go on their rounds. This helped me pass time.

I had the Stroke (as I had been told) in early June. The days came and went as people came to visit and I spent most of the Summer of 2015 in a bed.

I could still talk and remember things, so the experience wasn't too bad. Although, honestly being able to recall my life pre-stroke kind of sucks in that you remember all the things you can't do, all the things you used to do and how hard it will be working back towards the life I had before.

Of course the alternative was death, so we can deal with the bad news just fine considering at that point it was nice just to still be here among the living.

The failure of my marriage, no longer being in the Army, and the growing pile of bills seems to not weigh upon me so much when you stack those things up next to the lack of living the doctors had suggested to my people.

Plus. my mom went out and got me a new phone while I was in the hospital. This was very cool. I gave her my old phone and she put me on her Verizon plan with a new LG phone. Fortunately, all my music and important stuff was on my phone's memory card, so the transfer was easy.

It's all about the small victories for awhile people.